


The Best I Can Be

by mollieblack



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Phanfiction, Reality, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2019-01-21 17:31:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12462501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mollieblack/pseuds/mollieblack
Summary: "We never talked about it.""What?" Dan asked, raising his head from his laptop to see Phil immersed in his own computer screen, slowly sipping coffee as he spoke without turning his gaze."We never talked about it.""About what?""Our deal. If neither of us were married by thirty... well I'm thirty. We never talked about it."





	The Best I Can Be

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, so sorry I've been pretty inactive recently, my life has gotten a bit insane and I'm just not able to update as frequently as I used to be (at least for now). I'm not gone, though! I'll still be here, just probably not 3-5 times a week for a while :\ <3 love you all

"We never talked about it."

"What?" Dan asked, raising his head from his laptop to see Phil immersed in his own computer screen, slowly sipping coffee as he spoke without turning his gaze.

"We never talked about it."

"About what?" 

"Our deal. If neither of us were married by thirty... well I'm thirty. We never talked about it."

"Phil I'm twenty six." Dan responded, raising an eyebrow.

"Right... I suppose." Phil agreed, but something felt unresolved about his tone. Neither of them spoke to it, though, and silence quickly took over the room again. 

Dan had been scripting out a new video, but now his mind was turning from Phil's sudden announcement. Was he serious? Dan hadn't thought he even remembered that - it wasn't like it was a real agreement of course, just a silly promise they'd made each other years ago when they'd both been feeling lonely and hopeless about their romantic prospects. But Phil had remembered it... and Dan knew Phil and the way he'd been speaking hadn't been his 'joking' tone. He didn't know what it had been... which left Dan staring blankly at his half-finished rough draft for several minutes before sighing and clicking away, deciding to scroll aimlessly through tumblr in search of some good new dog memes since his brain clearly wasn't currently equipped to deal with much more. 

It wasn't brought up again for another week. Things had been normal and Dan had nearly forgotten the strange and sudden announcement from Phil - they'd uploaded two new gaming videos and Dan was nearly ready to film his next main channel vlog. Life was normal, and now they were settling in for an evening of stir fry Dan had made coupled with a new comedy movie - something about a group of middle aged women going on a trip to get away from their normal lives, going to strip clubs, and hooking up with countless men with chiseled abs and square jaws. 

The movie was trash.

It was less than thirty minutes in that Dan and Phil both stopped paying much attention, pulling out their phones and scrolling, absently murmuring funny things they saw on twitter to each other while the movie served as background noise. Dan didn't notice at first that Phil had stopped scrolling and was looking contemplatively at the coffee table until his friend spoke up.

"So... do you want to wait until you're thirty then?"

"Sorry?"

"For the deal."

"Oh... right." Dan felt a weight gather in his stomach as he did his best to not look confused - not wanting to insult his best friend. "Um... so you were serious about that?" he did his best to make his tone friendly and non-offensive as possible, but it clearly didn't work as Phil looked over at him, eyebrows pulled together in an expression that only Dan could recognize as mild hurt.

"Yeah... weren't you?"

"I mean..." Dan paused and thought for a moment, reflecting on the day they'd made that deal, years and years ago when they'd just moved in together for the first time. They'd had a long day of unpacking and had laid on their new bare living room floor, looking up at the ceiling, talking about life. They'd talked about how miserable their love lives were, and yes... Dan supposed that in the moment he'd been serious. Of course back then they'd still had a bit of a flirty and dangerous edge to their relationship - now they were far too comfortable for anything to ever be 'unsure' between them. They knew where they stood with each other... Dan supposed it was almost as if they were  _already_ married. "Yeah... yes I suppose I was." he murmured with a shrug. "I just never really thought of it as a real possibility. It was always just a funny idea... I don't think I ever actually thought about us getting married IRL."

"Dan you  _need_ to stop speaking in abbreviations." Phil chastised, shaking his head at the brunette. 

"Whatever." Dan brushed off, sighing and leaning back against the couch. "I mean... Did you really think about it? Like... actually doing it?"

"I mean..." Phil started, putting his phone down next to him on the couch and beginning to play with his fingers, looking down at them intently. "Yeah I guess. If nothing else, then for tax reasons. I haven't dated anyone in so long... honestly if I don't marry you I probably won't marry anybody." Phil laughed, but there was no humor in the breathy exhale. 

"Right..." Dan nodded slowly, a bit in shock that this conversation was even taking place. To be fair, though, he hadn't dated anyone in years either - and he didn't have any sense that that would change anytime soon. It  _would_ make co-leasing easier... as well as their shared finances from their shared brand... and they'd get a tax break... as much as Dan wanted to laugh off Phil's suggestion as ridiculous, he couldn't help but admit that there was some logical reasoning behind it. "So... you want to get married?"

"Wow, Dan, ever the romantic." Phil rolled his eyes, scooping a mouthful of rice into his mouth and chewing thoughtfully. "But yes... I mean... obviously if you didn't want to that's fine... but I think it'd be easier, it's not like I'm gonna marry anyone else, and it'd be kinda nice to be able to say that I achieved my goal of getting married in my life... even if it's not necessarily a normal marriage."

Dan nodded, chewing on the thought as Phil chewed his rice. That was a good point... he  _had_ always wanted to get married and have kids. And even though this version of marriage certainly wasn't what he'd had in mind, it did seem better than nothing. Obviously he and Phil couldn't have kids together... though he'd be lying if he said he hadn't on some late nights thought about adopting a kid or two with his best friend, raising them together. They'd both always wanted to be dads, and even if they weren't romantic... parents didn't have to be in love to be able to parent. Hell, it might be better if they were just two friends. 

Dan shook his head, snapping himself out of this train of thought. "Yeah... I suppose." he agreed quietly, not really thinking about the words as they left his lips. He was busy staring thoughtfully at the wall so he didn't see the look Phil gave him, and when he looked back Phil had turned his attention back to his phone and was scrolling again. Dan didn't know what to say, so he decided to just leave it and opened twitter back up, scrolling mindlessly without actually reading anything, biting his lip as thoughts swirled confusingly in his mind.

Another week passed before their 'deal' was brought up again. 

Dan hadn't quite forgotten about it this time, but he'd certainly been hoping that it'd been left behind - he didn't want to have to deal with the complications that could come along with a platonic marriage to Phil - between what the fans might think if they found out, to what their friends and families might think, to the paperwork, to the very slim possibility that it could actually change something between the two friends... it scared Dan. That being said, Dan would be lying if he said he hadn't been thinking about it possibly a bit too much. Something about the idea of being married... it just seemed nice. It seemed permanent... and even though Dan knew that he and Phil wouldn't be leaving each other any time soon, there was nothing in place saying that they'd live together forever. It could come to an end anytime... something to rely on and know they both were committed to... it gave Dan a strange sense of security he hadn't even realized he'd been craving. 

To his own great surprise, this is what led Dan to be the one to bring it up this time... though not on purpose. 

The two men were out getting Starbucks before returning from a grocery run, when the barista began batting her eyelashes at Dan suggestively. He shifted awkwardly on his feet and felt a slight bump from Phil's elbow, glancing up to see his friend with a knowing and suggestive smirk. Flicking his gaze behind them Dan nearly groaned aloud when he saw that no one else was in line, and therefore became subject to a full three minutes of shameless flirting from the barista that he awkwardly attempted to politely dissuade, but she clearly wasn't picking up on the hint. When their coffees were finally ready and they began to leave, Dan sighed as he turned his cup around to show Phil the number printed there with a small heart at the end. 

"This kind of shit wouldn't happen if we were married." Dan grumbled, not even aware of what he'd said until the words were out of his mouth and Phil was looking back with arched eyebrows.

"Oh yeah? Why not?"

"Oh um... I just meant... If I had a ring... You know..." Dan stammered, mentally backpedaling to try to figure out where the hell that thought had come from and how it'd escaped his mouth without his approval. 

"So... does that mean you're on board?" Phil grinned and Dan raised his eyebrows over his drink, still shocked at how casually Phil kept addressing such a huge topic.

"On board? You mean you really want to do this?" Dan asked in disbelief and Phil shrugged, nodding as he took a sip of his coffee.

"Yep! But just if you want to - if you don't that's fine."

"I... I mean..." Dan stuttered, taken aback once again by the reality of the suggestion as well as the sudden pressure he was under to answer on the spot. "Phil..." Dan stalled, trying to think of some witty way to get out of actually giving his friend an answer. When one finally came to him he grinned, cocking an eyebrow challengingly at his best friend. "You can't imagine I'd say yes to such a lackluster proposal. Is that really the best you've got?"

Phil looked over with a matching grin on his face, danger glinting in his eyes as he surveyed Dan before turning back to look at the pavement as they walked back to their flat. 

"Alright, Danny, just you wait." he promised, and they walked the rest of the way in silence, sipping their coffees carefully as Dan tried to determine whether the fluttering in his stomach and chest came from terror or excitement. 

Two days passed before Phil's first attempt. 

Dan was pouring himself a bowl of cereal in the morning when he heard a clang in his bowl and looked in curiously, setting down the box and sifting through the dry cereal with his fingers until he felt a cold metal ring. He pulled out the simple silver band and inspected it with a raised eyebrow, only to jump when a voice behind him startled him, whipping around. 

"I can't promise that I'll stop eating your cereal, but if we get married I swear I'll always replace it." Phil said with a grin from his spot down on one knee in front of Dan. "Daniel Howell, will you-"

"Phiiiiilll!" Dan whined loudly, shoving the ring back at his best friend. "Is that your idea of romance?" Truly, Dan thought the idea was funny and adorably  _Phil,_ but he wasn't ready to give an answer yet so he just rolled his eyes and watched as Phil sighed, taking the ring. 

"Fine, fine... I'll think of something else."

"Good." Dan responded, unable to keep himself from laughing as Phil rolled his eyes, standing up and shoving the ring in his back pocket. 

"You're so high maintenance. Remind me again why I want to marry you?" Phil complained and Dan chuckled, shaking his head.

"God knows - there's a reason no one else has ever proposed to me." Dan giggled and Phil joined in. Within minutes they were eating and watching anime to start off their day, their friendship easy as it had always been, not affected in the slightest by these little talks of marriage - and for that, Dan was grateful, and almost a bit hopeful. If he and Phil were able to do this so easily... could they do the same in marriage? Could it work? He didn't know, but as the days past and he had time to think, the more it became an idea that excited him and the less it became something he wanted to run from.

The next proposal came a week and a half later. Dan had almost thought that Phil had given up and decided not to go through with this, but suddenly the brunette was finding himself coming out of his room from a long editing session to see the table made up with candles and flowers, rose petals littering the table and two steaming plates of food (which Dan recognized as Chinese takeout that had been put on plates to seem homemade, but he couldn't care - it was the thought that counted). Two glasses of champagne sat next to the plates and Phil stood by the table in a suit and tie, a lopsided grin on his face as he pulled out a chair for Dan. 

Part of him wanted to run back to his room and change - feeling out of place in his sweatpants and tshirt he hadn't changed since the day before - but he realized how ridiculous that was and took Phil's invitation, sitting down and stiffening his spine a bit when he felt Phil's hands come down and rest on his shoulders before leaving and moving around the table to sit down across from Dan. 

"I feel underdressed." Dan finally spoke, breaking the near-silence, filled only with a soft instrumental melody coming from a speaker in the other room. 

"I know." was Phil's only response and Dan rolled his eyes, kicking Phil's foot beneath the table. 

"You really didn't have to do all this, Phil... this is-" 

"You said you wanted romance. Is this not romantic?"

Dan looked up to meet Phil's challenging and dangerous gaze and felt himself blush - much to his hatred. Phil should not be making him blush! Rolling his eyes, Dan decided it'd be safest to not really answer, since it was quite clear that, yes, Phil had made an extremely romantic setting. "Shut up, you dork." was what Dan decided on, shaking his head as he chuckled. 

Phil laughed too and soon they were eating and the awkwardness was gone, falling into normal conversations about TV shows, video ideas, games, and everyday annoyances they'd repetitively vent to each other but never got tired of listening to. 

When Phil's foot met Dan's under the table - this time not in a joking and violent kick, but instead in a gentle and soft connection, brushing gently against the side of his ankle, Dan froze. He glanced up questioningly at Phil, his jaw frozen mid-chew as he saw Phil grinning back. 

"You said you needed romance." Phil explained and Dan huffed out a breath, rolling his eyes and swallowing hard - nearly choking as he realized he hadn't finished chewing that bite. 

"Alright..." Dan agreed, deciding to just go along with this game instead of trying to fight it. He brought his foot up, brushing back against Phil's ankle and calf, up and down in a manner that could almost be deemed as 'suggestive'. "So is this how you go about all your dates? Surprise them in their pyjamas with a candlelit dinner and then play footsie with them until they agree to marry you?" Dan grinned as Phil barked out a laugh at this, pulling his foot back momentarily at the violence of his laugh before bringing it back, twisting and locking ankles with Dan. 

"Not usually." Phil admitted, sputtering around the food he was desperately trying to swallow. "Is it working?"

"Not really." Dan chuckled and their feet disconnected as both men fell into giggles, shaking their heads at how ridiculous this all was. 

"Alright, well tell me, then, Picky." Phil requested, still chuckling lightly. "How do  _you_ like to be wined and dined?"

Dan thought for a moment, realizing suddenly how sad it was that he couldn't even remember when his last date was, and certainly didn't remember enough about his ancient love life to know what it was he liked on a date. With a helpless sigh, Dan finally shook his head and shrugged, laughing breathily. "I don't know!" he exclaimed, making eye contact with Phil and giggling at his best friend. "Actually... maybe I do like this! Who the hell knows, it's been too long!" he cackled, and soon they were both out of breath, tears pricking at their eyes as they guffawed at the utter lack of romance in both their lives. 

"We're really quite sad." Phil admitted finally through laughs, and Dan nodded in agreement, gasping to catch his breath.

"We are." 

The laughter finally died down and subsided and soon Dan was left staring at his plate.

"Is that piece of broccoli growing eyes?" Phil asked eventually, and Dan didn't respond to his question, instead just tearing his gaze away from the green vegetable and up to meet Phil's blue stare.

"I'll marry you."

"What?" Phil asked, those big blue eyes getting even wider as his whole posture changed in surprise. 

"I'll marry you."

Silence took over the room for a few moments and Dan felt as if his heart had jumped up in his throat and lodged there, wanting to escape - to be somewhere, anywhere but this still silence. It probably only lasted ten seconds, but to him it felt like hours before Phil finally spoke up.

"...Alright." was all he said, and suddenly the wheels began spinning out of control in Dan's mind, realizing the reality of what he'd just agreed to. Everything was whirring and he began to feel dizzy, putting his hands down on the table's edge to steady himself. "I'll look into places to get married. I'm guessing you don't want a ceremony." Phil spoke gently, with a soft and somewhat forced laugh. 

"Um... yeah, probably not. It'd probably be best to just keep this to ourselves." Dan agreed, taking a few deep breaths before looking back up and shaking off the dizzyness. "Holy shit. We're getting married."

"We're getting married." Phil repeated, and this time the silence was broken quickly by uncontrollable laughter, both men collapsing into disbelief at the reality of the decision they'd just made. 

"I need this champagne now!" Dan announced suddenly, grabbing his glass, and Phil clinked their glassed together before they both downed them, the bubbly liquid going down smoothly. 

* * *

The next two weeks were spent dealing with logistics and deciding the few people to tell. In the end they landed on just their immediate family. Dan wasn't all that surprised when neither of their families believed that they were really just friends getting married, but then again they hadn't believed they were just friends living together either, so Dan and Phil didn't pay it too much mind, sighing and allowing their families to think what they want. 

Once the two weeks were up, though, Dan found himself standing in front of a podium, fidgeting with the cufflinks of his suit, biting his lip anxiously and waiting as he tapped his foot. An old woman with curly hair and glasses stood behind the podium with a book and Dan smiled awkwardly at her, rocking back and forth on his heels. Finally music started and Dan looked up, seeing an equally awkward and nervous-looking Phil walking down the aisle in a simple suit and light blue tie. When Phil reached the front, both men laughed awkwardly, sharing the moment, and for whatever reason this helped calm Dan's nerves, knowing that this wasn't just anyone, this was  _Phil_ he was doing this with, and that that meant everything was going to be alright. 

The ceremony was simple and Dan was relieved once again when Phil's hands were just as clammy as his, and shaking too, as he slipped a ring onto Dan's left hand and then Dan did the same to Phil, both men looking to each other afterwards and falling into laughter, still in disbelief that this was something they were really doing. 

Their vows were full of inside jokes - things along the lines of Phil's cereal promise from earlier, and while the minister looked perplexed, though mostly bored and uncaring, both men were giggling the whole way. When it came to the 'I do's, they passed quickly, and when they were granted permission for a kiss they both shrugged and leaned forwards, a quick peck between their lips making bubbles rise in Dan's stomach and chest before coming out as more laughter and both men doubled over. 

The woman looked between them and sighed, shaking her head as she seemed to give up trying to understand them. "Alright, you're married, have a good one." she mumbled, only making Dan and Phil laugh harder. 

They took their certificate and left, unable to communicate in full sentences all the way back to their flat, merely laughing and pointing between themselves, still in shock that they were officially husbands now. 

The best part was - it really didn't change anything. 

That night, Dan and Phil got drunk for the hell of it and decided to share a bed because "We  _did_ just get married." They stayed up late staring at the ceiling and talking about life, and Dan was reminded of that day long ago when they'd done the same thing, resulting in that deal that had just been completed. Eventually they made their way under the covers and Phil's foot made its way to Dan's, making the brunette jump at the sudden icy cold object resting on his foot. 

"Jesus Christ, Phil! You're freezing!" 

"It comes from my soul." Phil giggled and Dan rolled his eyes, bringing his feet to encase Phil's between them, warming it up. 

"Stop stealing my humor." Dan whined, but he was chuckling. 

"Dan! We kissed today!" Phil exclaimed in sudden drunken shock and Dan giggled, looking over and nodding at the face so close to his own. 

"Yeah... we did a hell of a lot more than kiss, Phil. We got hitched!" 

"HA!" Phil let out a bark of laughter, devolving into snorts. "Hitched."

"What?" Dan asked defensively, giggling at Phil's laughs that were shaking the bed. 

"It's a funny word! Hitched."

"Okay, Philly, time for sleep." Dan chuckled, and soon both men were breathing deeply, sunken into the soft mattress as exhaustion took over from such a huge day.

The next day they were distracted by hangovers, the day after that by needing to catch up on emails and do a liveshow, the day after that Phil uploaded a video, and once that had passed it didn't feel as if they needed to 'get used to being married' anymore, because they just were and things were the same. They were still the same Dan and Phil, they just were also husbands now. It didn't change anything.

That being said, Dan had been feeling a bit strange as he laid awake in bed each night, thinking for hours. As much as their agreement was just to be friends and be married for the benefits, Dan couldn't help but feel a bit guilty. Phil was such an amazing guy - he deserved a husband who was more than just a signature on a certificate. He deserved someone to care for him - to love him - to do little nice things for him. And sure, Dan did all those things, but it was so normal in their lives... it wasn't as if getting married had added anything. After several nights mulling over on this thought, Dan finally went to sleep with a decision. He was going to be a good husband to Phil. Even if they weren't romantic, he was going to try to step up and make Phil feel loved and feel special, as best as he could. 

The next morning Dan nearly forgot when he awoke to the sound of buzzing, knowing the postman was at the door. Quickly scanning through his mind Dan decided he hadn't ordered anything recently, so it had to be something for Phil. He had his phone out and their messages open, ready to tell Phil to get the door, when he remembered his decision from the night before. Groaning, Dan dropped his phone on the mattress and pulled himself out of bed. He quickly opened the door and signed for the package, sure enough for Phil, and placed it on the coffee table in the lounge. 

Dan sighed as he turned back to his room, but decided at the last minute not to go back to sleep. It was nearly 10am anyways, he might as well stay up, and it gave him another chance to do something nice for Phil. Soon enough, Dan had a large breakfast cooking along with coffee brewing, and soon a sleepy Phil was stumbling out of his room, rubbing his bleary eyes under his glasses, and not even bothering to straighten his mess of hair that Dan honestly found adorable. 

"Did I smell pancakes?" Phil mumbled sleepily and Dan smiled, nodding.

"Yep! I made us breakfast - and I got your post, it's on the coffee table." Dan chirped as he flipped a pancake.

"Really?" Phil's eyes widened and his sleepy expression turned into a beaming smile as he jumped up and down in small hops, balling his hands into fists. "Thank you!" 

Dan giggled at how childish a sleepy Phil was, shaking his head as he plated them each up plates of pancakes and bacon, loaded with butter and syrup and soon they were at the dining table with their breakfasts and coffee, Dan grinning as Phil dug into his food. 

"Careful! Don't eat too fast or you'll choke!" Dan warned, and Phil looked up with a mouthful of pancake. 

"Mmmummffuunn!" 

"Muffin?" Dan asked through his laughter and Phil's muffled speech. The black haired man shook his head and sighed, chewing quickly and swallowing before clearing his throat.

"I'm fine!" he repeated and Dan rolled his eyes. 

"Sure, Phil. Just don't make me spend my day in A&E." both men giggled and while Phil protested, Dan noticed that he began to eat slower, and such a simple gesture made Dan feel a bit warm inside, knowing that Phil was being careful for him. Even though Dan joked - they both knew he was a nervous person, and the fact that Phil would change the way he ate his food just to make Dan feel more at ease made a soft smile form on his lips. 

The days continued to pass, and Dan kept trying to do little things to be a good husband. It sounded ridiculous when he put words to it, but it was just a feeling that he felt compelled to fulfill, so he did. Phil began to notice and ask why Dan was doing so many little nice things, and Dan always responded the same; "We're married now, just trying to be a good husband." he'd accompany it with a laugh to try to pass it off for a joke, and Phil would just raise an eyebrow but laugh too, and soon they'd move on, much to Dan's relief. He didn't want to have to explain it, because he didn't even entirely understand it himself. 

One day, about a week later, it was late at night and Dan found Phil sitting on their blue chair, staring out the window. The blue chair was a special place - something they'd always had, but never shown the internet. It was never something that was decided on, but it simply ended up being the spot that neither of them ever sat unless they were sad - and then the other would know that something was wrong. It was just a little weird chair that never really fit in, so it'd always be put in some odd corner you usually wouldn't sit in. At first Dan wanted to get rid of it but Phil was strangely attached, so they'd kept it and it'd slowly became their 'sad chair'. Now, Phil was sitting in the blue chair, watching the pigeons outside, and Dan approached softly. 

Phil didn't look up and Dan leaned against the wall, looking down at his friend. "Are you alright?" he asked quietly, and Phil just shrugged, still refusing to look at Dan. He knew his best friend and he could tell Phil was holding back tears, so Dan lowered himself down to squat next to Phil and be closer to his level, looking up. "Do you want to talk about it?" Dan asked, and Phil shook his head, sniffling and quickly bringing up a hand to brush away a tear. "Okay..." Dan agreed quietly, resting back, not leaving, but also not intruding. They sat in silence like this for about twenty minutes, Phil occasionally sniffling or wiping away tears. 

Finally, Phil stood up, and Dan stood too, looking at Phil as if he were a fragile piece of glass that was about to break. 

"'M gonna go to bed." Phil mumbled and Dan nodded, reaching out to gently grasp Phil's arm, stopping him from leaving quite yet. 

"Phil..." Dan started, not entirely sure of what to say, but not wanting to leave his friend alone like this. "Um... could I come with you?" he finally asked, and Phil looked up in hesitant surprise through watery eyes before nodding quickly and taking Dan's hand in his, walking to his room. 

They changed into pyjamas - Phil lending Dan a pair of his - and settled under the duvet. Phil laid flat on his back, the blankets pulled up to his chin, and Dan looked over to see him trembling and clearly trying not to cry. Turning on his side, Dan lifted up the covers and got Phil's attention, silently offering himself. Phil nodded and smiled through his tears, quickly coming towards Dan and wrapping his arms around him, hugging tightly before settling his head on Dan's chest, his hand over Dan's heart as the brunette wrapped his arms around his best friend and pulled him close. 

"Did something happen?" Dan asked quietly, not wanting to pry, but needing to know if it was an event or just a feeling. When Phil shook his head into Dan's chest, he nodded and just hugged tighter. It was what he'd been expecting. This happened with Phil every now and again - though it was rare that his friend would allow him to see it or be here with him through it. Phil certainly wasn't like Dan - he didn't struggle with constant depression - a blanket weighing down his whole life. He did, however, have these moments. They were few and far in between, but Phil was such a positive person and he put out so much energy to make others happy, that every now and again he'd just have a down day where he'd need to cry and just be allowed to be sad, and then the next day he'd be alright again. 

At first, these down days had scared Dan. He hadn't believed that nothing was 'wrong', Phil was just sad, but over time he'd grown to understand them and now he knew better how to be there for his friend through them. He'd never ended up like this, though. At most he'd given Phil a hug, but they'd never cuddled. Now Dan could feel a small wet spot blooming on his shirt from Phil's tears, and without thinking he turned his head, burying his face in Phil's hair and pressing a soft kiss there. He froze for a moment, but shook off his surprise at himself - he was being there for his friend. He was comforting him - and anyways, they were husbands. He was just being a good husband. Dan drifted to sleep with this thought running through his mind, only confirmed by how tightly Phil clung to him in sleep - he was being a good husband.

In the morning, Dan blinked awake slowly. His eyes opened fast when he was met with Phil's face mere inches from his. He must have drifted down on the mattress in his sleep, because now they were both on their sides facing each other, and Dan's legs were laced through Phil's as they held each other tight. He thought about pulling away, but decided that wasn't what a good husband would do. He was supposed to be here for Phil, and who knew if Phil was still feeling as bad as he had been the night before? So Dan stayed, pulling away slightly just so their noses weren't about to collide. 

He gazed at Phil for a while, smiling gently at the softness of his friend's features. Whether or not he'd be sad when he woke, he was certainly peaceful now. His eyes were soft and shut, his forehead free of any worry crinkles, his lips parted softly, full and pink as they fluttered gently with each exhale. Dan smiled as he watched his friend. He'd chosen a good man to marry. If he had to be married to anyone, he'd certainly choose Phil - he was such a kind person - so wonderful and funny and charming and beautiful. He'd always put aside his own issues to try to make Dan laugh if he was having a bad day, to support and motivate him if Dan felt stuck, to take the lead when Dan was feeling shy. 

The thought pulled him up short, and soon he was holding back laughter. Because Phil was exactly what he'd been striving for. He'd been striving to be a good husband, when all the while... that's what Phil had been to him. Ever since they met. Hell, they really were like an old married couple - and Dan found himself not really minding that thought. 

His face softened as he continued to gaze at his husband, a bit entranced by the sudden appreciation for his best friend, and this is what made him, without any thought, lean in the moment Phil's eyes fluttered open, pressing a gentle kiss to those parted pink lips. 

Dan pulled back almost immediately, eyes wide as he looked up at a clearly shocked Phil. "Um..." he stammered, mind buzzing with questions about why he just did what he did. Of course, he couldn't catch a break, because Phil just  _had_ to ask that same question and make Dan actually come up with an answer.

"Dan..." Phil started, eyebrows raised. "Why did you just kiss me?" Dan winced at the question but took solace in the fact that Phil hadn't pulled away - at least he wasn't repulsed by Dan... now the brunette just had to think up a good reason.

"I... um... I was just trying to be a good husband." Dan said lamely, and he didn't judge Phil at all for the cocked-eyebrow ' _Really?'_ look he gave the brunette.

"Right..." Phil voiced disbelievingly and Dan shrugged, coughing in embarrassment. 

"Yeah. Just um... you know... didn't want you to feel like you didn't get a real husband when we got married." 

Phil looked at Dan in confusion for a bit and then shrugged, nodding slowly. "Alright... I guess I can understand that. So uh... you want us to kiss?"

"No! I mean... um... I mean I was just trying it... not if you don't want to. I don't want to make things weird." Dan backpedaled, but Phil just shrugged.

"It's not too weird. We kissed at the ceremony. And it is kind of nice - to have a husband to kiss. It doesn't have to be weird." Dan's jaw nearly dropped, but he was glad it didn't because a second later Phil was leaning in for a quick peck, leaving Dan slack-jawed as Phil got out of bed, detangling himself from Dan's limbs. "Thanks, Dan." Phil said as he grabbed his phone and made his way to the door. "It's nice that you're trying so hard to be a good husband. I'll do the same. I'm gonna make us some breakfast, see you soon." 

Dan couldn't do much more than nod in amazement as Phil left, before slamming his face down into a pillow and groaning loudly. What the hell had he just gotten himself into?

Two weeks passed, and Dan hadn't been able to find a way to get himself out of this new kissing deal. About four days in, he'd just sort of accepted it. It's not as if they'd make out, just simple pecks before bed or when one would enter or leave a room. It was like a greeting or a goodbye - nothing heated, just a new way to show that they cared. And once Dan got over the weirdness of it, he found himself actually enjoying the kisses - even looking forward to them sometimes. They began sharing a bed more as well - it wasn't really talked about, but there was a general feeling of 'we're going to do our bests to be good husbands for each other', and it felt weird to do that and then go sleep in separate rooms. 

They went about this agreement in different ways. Dan would get up and get the post and cook meals, Phil would clean things and go out sometimes, returning with little trinkets or treats he thought Dan would like. They were little things, and nothing that screamed romance, but now and again Dan would find himself leaning over to kiss Phil after a 'thank you', and he'd feel butterflies fluttering about in his chest and suddenly fall into a pit of overthinking, wondering if they were moving their relationship too far into a grey area. Nothing seemed to be bothering Phil, though, so Dan didn't do anything about it other than obsess and overthink. 

After these two weeks, something changed. 

It was a Thursday afternoon and everything seemed like a normal day - they'd filmed a Sims video to put up in a few days and now were just relaxing with a TV show in the background as they answered emails, when suddenly Phil's phone started ringing. He answered and Dan perked his ears slightly - curious since he had seen it was an unknown number. 

"Hello? Yeah, it's Phil. Oh, hi!" Phil's voice perked up significantly, and Dan's interest peaked, listening more carefully now. "Yes, yes we've actually talked about it a lot. Really? Yes, we'd love to! Thank you so much! Yeah you can call or text me any time. Thank you so much, we'll talk to you soon!" Dan raised his eyebrows curiously as Phil tossed his phone to the couch and began pacing the room, nearly bouncing with clear joy. Dan stood up and walked over to him, curious about what the phone call was about. 

"What was that?"

"Dan!" Phil whipped around, beaming from ear to ear. "That was a film company! They want to work with us to make a movie!" Phil exclaimed. Dan felt his heart drop and then soar - they'd talked about making a movie for years now - the idea that a company wanted to support them was unbelievable! 

"Really?" Dan asked in amazement and Phil nodded, rushing forwards, and suddenly their arms were around each other and Phil was kissing him. 

Dan could feel the smile on Phil's lips and he smiled back, breathing in sharply through his nose. His hands were on Phil's waist and suddenly Phil's fingers were in his hair, pulling him closer as they continued to kiss, lips moving against each other in elation, the entire world seeming to stop spinning as they moved together. The ferocity of the start of the kiss faded quickly and soon it was all gentle touches and movement, Phil's hands coming to cup Dan's cheek and jaw, kissing him tenderly as Dan pulled Phil closer by the small of his back. Their lips parted and the kisses became slow and heavy, Dan's tongue gently lapping against Phil's lips and tongue as Phil returned the motions. 

They kissed and kissed and time didn't feel real, so Dan had no idea how long it was before they finally pulled away, resting their foreheads together as they laughed breathily, and then it all hit him, all at once. 

They weren't supposed to kiss like that.

There wasn't anything 'platonic' about that kiss at all, and that was wrong... right? 

But how could that be wrong, when it'd felt easier than breathing. It'd felt easy and real and  _right,_ and Dan looked up to see Phil smile nervously and bite his lip, pulling inches away from Dan but staying close enough to keep his hands on his shoulders. 

"So... um..." Phil started and Dan coughed, looking down. 

"Yeah... uh... I'm sorry." Dan stammered, pulling away, deciding that it had been wrong and he shouldn't have done it, no matter how fast his heart was beating and how good it'd felt. 

"No... Dan..." Phil followed him, taking his hands within Phil's own. "Dan... don't be sorry." The brunette looked up through doubtful eyes, but they shut as Phil moved closer and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, just as short as all their previous ones had been, but this one somehow more meaningful. "Don't be sorry." Phil repeated. 

"But... I shouldn't have... that's not part of..."

"Not part of what?" Phil asked, laughing breathily. "Dan we're married for christ sakes!" Dan laughed as well, though a bit awkwardly as he looked up to meet Phil's gaze, warm with adoration. "Dan... you're the best husband I could have asked for." Phil whispered, and suddenly Dan remembered thinking that exact thing about Phil just the other morning. "I... I didn't think things were going to change... but I think they are... and I kind of like it." Phil admitted, looking down with a blush before glancing back up to meet Dan's gaze. "Actually... I really like it. And if you do too... I think I might be falling in love with you, Dan." 

Dan drew in a sharp breath, and suddenly the butterflies were back and his heart was in his throat again and his mind was whirring and the world wasn't spinning and all of this was happening at once, but somehow when he spoke, his words rang out sound and clear. 

"Then I'll just keep being the best husband I can." Dan promised, and when he cupped Phil's cheeks and pulled him in for a kiss, he didn't pull away. He knew deep down that things were changing, and that he was okay with that.  No... not okay... he was ready.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments give me life <3 <3 <3


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